Dark clouds passing by overhead, trees swaying in the wind, branches snapping, rain pours down and the thunder rolls.
In moments like these, it can be difficult to see that there’s sunshine after the rain.
Learning of my child’s heart defect felt much like a powerful storm that sought to consume my little piece of the universe and in its travels, destroy anything in its path. Overtaking my sense of being, my feeling of safety and comfort and replacing it with a tumultuous web of uncertainty. In its quest, it overtook positivity and overshadowed emotions with fear and worry.
Some days, the rain became unbearable and I didn’t want to get out of bed for fear of drowning. Many nights, I didn’t sleep and most days, all I could do was gather the strength to keep the raindrops from falling.
And then there were days where the storm was unrelenting. I often found solace in the shower – allowing the rain to fall.
In those early days, time stood still.
Waiting. Hoping. Praying.
My thought process was clouded – I was tired, defeated, exhausted and I longed for the day when the storm would end.
Sending my baby into open heart surgery, brought me right back into the eye of the storm – just along for the rocky ride into uncertainty making it impossible to see the light.
It was hard to see then – in the midst of the storm- that there’s sunshine after the rain.
Looking back on some of the darkest days, I can see that there were rays of sunlight peeking through. From the nurse who went the extra mile to care for my baby to the friends I made in the CICU who understand just how difficult parenting a sick child can be.
I’ve learned through this journey that I can’t forecast my child’s future and I can’t predict when the next storm will appear, so I embrace this life and dance in the rain.
Becoming a heart mom has taught me that in any circumstance, even when it’s raining so hard that you can’t see, that the sun will rise again and there’s sunshine after the rain.
Live a life full of purpose and meaning. Be kind. Help others. Be grateful.
We have one life to live, make it your best.